“Two and a Half Men” was canceled for the season on Thursday, and here’s why: Charlie Sheen went on an extended rant on the Alex Jones Radio Show on Thursday, touting his mental curing abilities, ninja training, magic fingertips and, most consequentially, ripping “Two and a Half Men” creator Chuck Lorre — whom he later challenged to an ultimate fighting match.

“I’m tired of being told ‘You can’t talk about that, you can’t talk about that.’ Bull S-H-I-T. There’s something this side of deplorable that a certain Chaim Levine — yeah, that’s Chuck’s real name — mistook this rock star for his own selfish exit strategy, bro. Check it, Alex: I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his unevolved mind cannot process. Last I checked, Chaim, I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he’s above the law.”

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